


Every Scar Is A Masterpiece

by the_lie_eternal



Category: Auf Streife
Genre: Blood, Comfort, Drama, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Trauma, erik gets attacked, gay shit, policemen at work, stabwound, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:53:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28364220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_lie_eternal/pseuds/the_lie_eternal
Summary: Something bad happens. Erik is scarred, literally, and traumatized. Ben is struggling with the whole situation. Very dramatic.
Relationships: Ben Decker/Erik Stein
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	Every Scar Is A Masterpiece

**Author's Note:**

> The therapist Mister Jahn is non-binary and uses he/they pronouns, we stan.

It was hard not to cry by myself as I held his trembling hand in mine, trying to calm him as good as I could in this whole situation. Eriks face was overflown by blood, four very outstanding cuts covering the right half of his face grinning at me. He was in pain, trying his best to stay strong but I wouldn't judge if he showed his struggle. My heart calmed a bit as I heard the familiar siren of an ambulance arriving - finally.

"Help is here, you will be okay." I hummed, brushing my fingers through his hair which was now colored in a soft red. My soothing voice only worked partially on him but soon I felt a hand on my shoulder, a sign for me to give him into the hands of the paramedics and tell the emergency doctor what had happened.

"The criminal has already been picked up by another patrol, we weren't aware that he was armed and we only realized as he already attacked Erik's face several times. A pocket knife of 5 centimeters, yet from what I saw it went only in for about one centimeter at most. I'll do all the official stuff, just help him as quickly as possible, I'm going to follow to the hospital as soon as I can." I stated, hating to leave my  _ partner _ alone in this situation but we were still on duty and the boss would not excuse us being sentimental about each other just because we were a couple. He could make it, I was sure of that.

"Alright, we will clean him as good as we can and get him stitched up, I yet have to check for serious damages but from what I see he's living and feeling the pain so it could be worse. Klinik am Südring." the emergency doctor explained and I nodded, already taking out the transmitter to give my report. It was hard to suppress my feelings but I had to swallow my tears, staying professional like the senior chief inspector I was.

"13/01 for 13/25, ambulance has picked up the colleague, transferring him to the hospital for further treatment. I'll get the car back to the department and do the paperwork, yet obviously Erik is now off duty and I too got to interrupt mine once I'm back. 13/25 ending." I muttered, waiting for the check before I stepped into the direction of my patrol car.

A deep breath, followed by an angry fist slamming against the steering wheel left me.  _ Calm down, Ben. You can't change it. _

I was bad at handling my anger, yet nobody would profit off the situation like this so I had to suppress even more inside of me. I was a boiling pot, ready to cook over at any second.

It was probably the fastest I ever wrote a report once I arrived back at the department, everything to be fast enough back at my partner's side. Changing into my regular clothes I too grabbed Erik's stuff, he would probably appreciate some proper clothing rather than his now bloodstained uniform. Afterwards I already found myself in my car, racing off into the direction of the hospital.

"Mister Stein is already in a room for further monitoring, may I ask your relationship towards him, sir?" the nurse asked as I wanted to see how Erik was doing.

"He's my ... boyfriend." I stated with a sigh. It was still odd to say it out loud, towards strangers even more.

"Alright then, follow me mister ...?"

"Decker. Ben Decker." I exclaimed, feeling how my face reddened. Luckily I decided to show up as a civilian, I wasn't really in the mood to play the heroic policeman anymore.

"Sir, your partner is here." the nurse spoke into the room before she led me inside. I expected a smile, at least a happy sigh from Erik but I was met with disappointment.

"I'll leave you two alone." she smiled and then closed the door behind her, only now I could hear how loud my heart was beating.

"I brought your clothes." I muttered, holding out my bag for Erik to grab it, who now raised from the hospital bed he was sitting on.

"Thanks, at least." he growled as good as he could through the bandage that covered the right side of his face as he got rid of the ugly clothes he was put in to get into his familiar shirt, pants and shoes again.

"Oh come on, I got here as fast as I could!" I complained as Erik's mood didn't light up, receiving a hiss back.

"It felt quite shit to be helpless with a bunch of people standing around me, countless needles and strings in my face. They already asked where my colleague happened to be, they  _ never _ saw an inspector coming alone into the emergency room. Can you believe?" he stated angrily. I rubbed my fingers over my eyes, trying to not mercilessly let out my bad mood in his presence.

"There was nobody to pick up the car and I wanted to get the report done as quickly as possible so they can do the remaining stuff at work without us. Can't you appreciate for once that I'm here?" I complained, stemming my hands into my hips, a defeated sigh coming from Erik.

"It's alright. It's stressful to have a whole half of your face burning, I'm sorry for my reaction." he muttered, I raised my brows.

"When can you leave?" I asked.

"In like an hour or two they will change the bandage again and once the bleeding has entirely stopped I'm free to go. Thank you for being here." he looked at the ground, now standing back up to walk into my direction. I spread my arms for a gentle hug, even though I didn't really want to forgive him at this moment but then again Erik got attacked just a few hours ago, he didn't need a salty boyfriend too.

Alarmed by sobs coming out of the bathroom I rushed through our flat, finding Erik sitting on the floor with his face covered in his palms, the messy bandage laying next to him.

"Hey, what's up Baby?" I whispered, kneeling down to caress his shoulder and leg with my hands to calm him. Erik didn't answer, his sobs becoming even worse by every second. I could already imagine why he was shocked like this and I knew that all my psychological experience would be needed to help my partner out of this situation.

"It's okay, I'm here for you." I continued gently, shifting even closer to him so he could feel my body warmth.

"I'm so ugly." he cried out, now removing his hands to reveal his face that had been hidden behind white cloth for the past days. Four stitches - three almost parallel ones on his right temple and cheekbone and (what initiated this whole issue) one going from the right corner of his forehead entirely over his right eyebrow, eye, cheek and lips, only ending in the middle of his chin. It looked horrible, absolutely painful and most of all extremely impractical.

"You're not ugly." I hummed, my words hitting a wall.

"I can never be a policeman again, my friends will laugh about me, strangers will stare and judge and my boyfriend will leave me." he cried, making me shiver with his last words.

"Erik, calm down, the world is not going to end." I tried reaching him somehow, failing more than succeeding anything.

"You don't understand, I have a scar all over my face, I'm marked forever and I will never be able to find any job again." he exclaimed, another wave of tears flowing down his cheeks. I decided to keep my mouth shut, pulling him against myself - receiving a push from him. I hated it when Erik didn't accept my help, one of the few situations I could not handle at all. I bit my lips, tightening my fists to calm me down as I decided to leave him alone for a moment, I would wait outside the bathroom.

Anger issues as a policeman? More likely than one might think but in all these rounded 50 years of my life I had never just once gone exceptionally violent against a civilian or my partners.

A well placed kick against the punching bag and said thing once again ripped out of its attachment, slamming onto the wooden floor. Martin was heard chuckling from behind me, yet I wasn't certainly in the mood to smile. I never went to the gym when I was happy, I needed the anger to exercise in peace - that's also how I kept down my issues, through martial arts practices.

"You keep surprising me every time we go to the gym together." my colleague and probably best friend stated, the undertone of his chuckle still sounding through his words.

I cracked my knuckles after I hung the bag back onto the chains, readying myself to place strategically logic hits but soon enough my aggressive side took over and all I did was punching the shit out of the bag until my fists hurt and all strength left my arms and legs to still stand up right. I hated my life.

With a deep sigh I slumped down next to Martin who was sitting on a bench, watching me.

"How's Erik doing?" he asked, even though he could already tell by the way I ripped the gloves off my hands, throwing them onto the ground in frustration.

"He's okay, physically. Menatlly he's a wreck and ... and ..." I felt my eyes tearing up just as my breath became heavier. I didn't know what was more embarrassing - the fact that this guy kept hitting the punching bag hard enough to break the attachment or that the same guy broke down crying right after it.

"Martin, I don't know what to do anymore."

"What's up, huh? You can talk to me about everything, you know that." my friend hummed in a calming voice, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

"Erik ... he keeps believing that I'm going to break up with him just because of his scars. That's not true, Martin, you know that's not true! He threw me out of our bedroom, I have to sleep on our shitty couch for several days now. But do you know what's the worst thing?" I turned my head, looking into the piercing blue eyes of the man next to me who was shaking his head.

"He doesn't understand what happened to him. I tell him I can't kiss him because of the yarn that's still stitched on his lips ... and all he understands is that I don't want to kiss him because I find him ugly. I love Erik, I would die for him, I want to protect him at any cost but I can't handle it when he doesn't accept my help. I become angry when he sends me away - and I find myself back in here, punching the shit out of lifeless objects because I am a goddamned FAILURE!" I shouted the last word, not at my friend but into the silent void that the gym gave to us.

Martin didn't say anything. He knew exactly when he had to say something and when he had to stay silent. His gentle hand kept caressing my shoulder as I sobbed my eyes out.

"Thank you for being my landfill." I murmured I realized that most of my interaction with Martin consisted of my personal problems while he never complained about it and always had an open ear to spare for me.

"You don't have to, that's what friends are for." he whispered, now wrapping both his arms around me to calm me down entirely.

I couldn't stand it anymore. It had been a week since Erik got injured, a week since I daily had to endure him and his twisted new view every time I came home from work - and I was so incredibly done with it. He turned insane every time he saw his stitches, he wouldn't let me near him again for anything - I wasn't allowed to comfort him, to hug him, only looking at him was critical as hell for him, I couldn't even just hold his hand in any situation.

There were times when Erik searched for comfort, yet I always had to turn him down because I would not kiss a face that was covered in stitches - out of medical reasons - and he obviously took it as yet another cause why exactly he hated me all of a sudden.

I found myself sitting on our couch, tears and snot all over my face as I cried out my eyes, feeling weak and defeated. I never knew that I could feel like this, so terrifically heartbroken by a man I thought I finally could spend the rest of my life with.

"Why are you crying, you don't have any reasons to cry." I heard Erik's voice coming from the doorway, trying to look at him with my bloodshot eyes and trembling body.

"You ask ... why I'm crying?" I stuttered, clenching my fists as I stared at his face which was nothing more than disapproval of me. Erik hated me.

"YOU ask ME why I'm crying??" I added, now raising myself from the couch as I brushed my face dry with the sleeve of my shirt.

"Ben, are you okay?" suddenly, my partner didn't seem so incredibly disappointed anymore but I couldn't stop myself.

"You ... you're trying to destroy me on purpose. YOU used the accident as a reason to break up with ME, to make it horribly painful for ME!" I began shouting, receiving two raised brows from Erik.

"I do not want to break up with you, I thought we would be-" he tried to explain himself but he already talked enough about this issue and he had no idea.

"Are you even aware of what you're doing to me!" I screamed, fighting another wave of tears flowing down my face. "You throw me out of our bedroom, you make me feel horribly insecure with every word you say and every action you do, you are so toxic towards me, you HURT me, Erik! You HURT ME! I can't do this anymore, I can't stand looking at you anymore until you're the person I used to know again!" I cried out, burying my face in my hands again.

And yet Erik didn't understand.

"Ben, you're insane!" my partner shook his head, trying to grab my shoulders as comfort but I shifted backwards so he would get no grip.

"YOU are the one being insane! YOU! I'm going to leave, Erik. Do whatever you want but don't think about calling me before these yarns are out of your face. I don't want to see you anymore until you're back to your senses. IDIOT!" I spat the last word into his face, pushing him away as I went into our bedroom to pack the most important things into a bag before walking straight up to the door, smashing it shut behind me.

Silence.

With shaking hands I tapped onto the name of my best friend, hoping that he would pick up the phone.

"Waddup?" his calming voice was heard and I felt a little bit at ease, yet that didn't stop me from continuing crying like a lone wolf.

"You have to ... pick me up ... please." I sobbed, sitting down onto the step in front of the entrance.

"Ben? Ben, are you okay?" he was immediately alarmed, I heard how he rushed through his flat while staying on the phone with me.

"Just ... get me out of here." I sniveled, wondering where all these tears came from.

"Oh god, alright, I'll be at your place in a few minutes, stay strong!" Martin hissed, hanging up the call and I was left in silence again. Staring at the wallpaper of my phone that showed up wasn't quite the right thing either - a picture of me and Erik, happy as ever and kissing each other. I loved him so much, yet I felt like that all the effort I put into our relationship for the past years just vanished, as if everything I ever did for Erik had been useless and I ended up being alone again. I was afraid of being lonely - being left in this cruel world without the person I loved the most.

I slumped into the passenger seat of my best friend's car, throwing my bag onto the back seat. I made it to calm down my excessive crying attack, so I was able to talk to Martin like a normal person. He stayed silent for a moment as he started the car again, heading back to where he came from.

"You're still a couple, yes?" was the first thing he asked.

"Yes." I whispered, swallowing as I thought about the fight again. "At least I hope so."

"Good. I guess you want to stay a few days over?" he suggested and I nodded, being glad that I had a friend like him who understood me easily like this.

"Alright, that's okay. We will talk about the rest later, if you want." he gave me a soft smile and I gave him the same even with the pain I felt.

"Can you imagine how it feels like to see your soulmate entirely changing in just a handful days?" I muttered, clawing my hand around the cup of coffee Martin gave me as we were sitting on his couch next to each other. "I thought I love Erik. I'm not sure anymore, I'm really not." I added, sobbing once again. I was so glad that I could be myself around my best friend ... and that he had been there for me in the first place.

"You both just need time to cope. Think about Erik's current situation, I don't think that he's incredibly happy about the fact you temporarily moved out." Martin hummed, gently rubbing his hand over my back.

"He's doing this on purpose. Maybe he has never really loved me." I hissed, placing the cup on the table in front of me as I felt my hands cramping up from the anger.

"Don't even dare to think about something like that, Ben!" Martin stated, pulling me closer against himself. He was right ... somehow ... but also ...

"I need a break." I sighed, curling myself up against my friend. All I wanted was to cry out my eyes until they were dry and sobbing until my throat was sore. Martin didn't judge me, comforting me for as long as I needed him.

He gave me his couch as shelter, it wouldn't be very comfortable but it was enough for me to regain my senses and sort my thoughts anew.

Martin and I went to work together, luckily Erik was on paid leave and I wouldn't show up in any way, so I could distract myself with what I loved the most - right after my partner: Being a policeman.

It had been almost exactly a week since I saw my house's interior for the last time, I almost began to feel comfortable at Martin's when I felt my phone buzzing right as I wanted to go to sleep. I was blessed with a free day coming on while Martin left just a short time ago for a night shift.

_ Erik is calling,  _ I read on my screen, swallowing as I hesitated accepting it.

"Hey, Ben ..." a faint voice sighed through the speaker. I hummed, trying to hide the fact that I already had my throat clogged with tears again.

"I ... I'm ... please, come back home." my partner murmured. I could hear it in his voice, the pain and regret he felt.

"The stitches?" I asked coldly.

"Got them removed today. Ben, I need you. I need your help." he began begging, I could feel how my vision became blurry from the tears crawling into my eyes.

"Tomorrow. Sleep well." I muttered, hanging up before Erik could even process what I said. The phone ending up somewhere across the table, I tried to focus on staying calm while all the thoughts and feelings I tried to ignore for days came back to me.

Erik, that's all that was circling around in my head. Erik. Erik. Erik. Erik Stein. Ben. Ben Decker, that was me. We had joked many times about which combination of first and surnames sounded the best, "just in case we would marry or something". Our choice fell onto Erik Decker, I couldn't remember why but thinking about it actually made me smile. Maybe, one day ... or maybe never.

My legs felt incredibly heavy as I carefully unlocked the front door, stepping into a house that seemed empty but I was well aware of the fact that my partner was home. I dropped my bag in the hallway, slowly stepping into the direction of the living room when I heard someone tapping into a phone, coming from the dining room. I leaned myself against the doorway as I spotted Erik, eyeing him and most of all his face, which looked much better already. The dark strings had all been taken out, the only thing left were the four obviously reddish scars but they were not as horrible as I expected them to look like.

"Good morning." I muttered to get Erik's attention. I flinched as he turned his gaze entirely and I could see the huge dark circles around his eyes, his ungroomed beard and all in all the fact that he might have not slept for several days in a row.

"You're here." he whispered, dropping his phone to stand up, walking into my direction to get himself a hug - yet I held out my hand, keeping a distance between us.

"Ben, why?" Erik whined, staring at me with glassy eyes.

"You forgot why I was gone in the first place?" I replied, as expected my partner fought against my arm.

"Ben, please ... please." he begged, trying to get into my arms but giving in would've not proven the point I wanted to set. It broke my heart as I saw how Erik realized what I had been doing, how the tears began rolling down his sore cheeks and how he slowly backed up. Our feelings were lying blank, every little spark could've meant everything or nothing.

"I've ruined it ... I know, I've ruined it." my partner began muttering as he walked with his back against our dinner table, getting some hold on the solid wood.

"You've changed, Erik." I muttered, stepping hesitatingly into his direction.

"I want to make it well again, please. Tell me what I can do, how I can save this whole situation?" he sobbed, breathing sharply as I ended up standing right in front of him.

"Talk to me. Tell me what's going on in your little head, because I don't understand it." I hissed, tapping against his forehead before I shifted away from him again, walking into our living room to sit down on the couch, hoping Erik would follow me - which he also did and we ended up sitting next to each other with a small distance.

"I need help, I can't do this alone." my partner sniveled, clawing his hands into one of the several rainbow-colored pillows. My gaze went over the biggest of his scars, over and over again. It was huge, yet not repulsive or some kind of disgusting. It felt as if it had always been there, as if nothing had ever changed about his appearance.

"I haven't slept properly ever since I got injured, I keep having nightmares and I feel so incredibly tense and aggressive - yet also weak and emotional at the same time, I don't know what I should feel anymore." Erik tried to explain his struggle, put it somehow in words but I understood where he was coming from, in a way.

"Have you considered going to the psychologist?" I stated, huffing as I realized how often I visited them in all these years of being on duty.

"This is why I need you, Ben ... I can't do this alone, I'm so scared of being confronted with myself ... of coping and living through this all again." Erik now began crying harder again and I almost felt sorry, yet there was still a wall blocking me from comforting my partner physically.

"How do you feel about your scars?" I asked, coldly.

"It's okay. Not ideal but okay." he sighed, rubbing the tears off his cheeks. "I don't want to lose you Ben, I regret everything I said to hurt you, every insult, just ... everything." he stuttered, now shifting closer.

"We will work on that once you feel better, okay?" I sighed, spreading my arms just to immediately feel a full grown man throwing himself against me, squeezing his arms around my torso and pressing his wet face onto my chest.

"I love you, Ben. Please, forgive me." Erik muttered into my shoulder as he cried his eyes out. I nodded, caressing his back for as long as he needed it.

"It's going to be okay ... it's going to be okay ..." I hummed, closing my eyes as I reflected the whole situation.

Erik was visibly tense as we stood in front of the innocent looking row house in some suburb of Cologne.

"I'm nervous, I've never been to a psychologist." he muttered as he clenched his nails into the back of my hand and I led him inside.

"They are nice, helpful and most of all understanding, no reason to be fearful." I muttered, knowing that Erik was aware of how many things I had to cope with already - and he trusted me, at least a little bit. His tension didn't reduce any bit as we sat in the waiting room, I tried to comfort him as good as I could by holding his hand. I had to remember the first time I sat right at that place, the office of Mister Jahn - it had been after I saw a dead body for the first time, only the start of countless times I would find myself sitting in front of them. I huffed as I realized I had been there for Erik this time and the only thing I had to cope with was his anxiety.

Erik flinched as the door next to us was opened, I had to chuckle at his reaction.

"Mister Stein, nice to meet you! Also, good to see you, Mister Decker?" Jahn chuckled as he held out his hand as greeting.

"I'll wait for you." I muttered, finally letting go of Erik's hold, turning to our therapist. "He knows my schedule, I want to drop him off and pick him up for his appointments. I hope that's possible."

"Aye, that shouldn't be a problem. Let's go!" Jahn nodded, leading Erik into his office while I made my way outside, getting some fresh air and let my own thoughts circle.

Punctually I found myself back in the waiting room, exactly one hour after I left. I didn't expect Erik to suddenly be "his old self" again, after all that was just his first appointment - getting to know each other and everything. Yet I could see in his face that he felt more at ease as he left the office, closing the door behind himself. I gave my partner a faint smile, holding out my hand to lead him to my car. It had been silent until we sat next to each other and I started the engine, Erik slowly regaining his confidence to talk.

"Are these appointments always so incredibly exhausting?" he muttered, brushing his palms over his face.

"It will become better, trust me." I chuckled, giving him a quick look. It was in that moment I once again realized how much I loved Erik, even if our relationship had been everything but enjoyable the past weeks.

"I love you, Erik." I murmured, eyes fixed on the road. I felt my partner's gaze piercing through me but I wouldn't dare to look at him anymore. He wanted to say something, yet there were no words coming out of his mouth. It was fine that way, for as long as we still were stuck in this car.

Erik headed towards the bedroom right away as we arrived back in our house, I decided to get myself a coffee to shift onto better thoughts. I flourished in the feeling that was the warm cup in my hands as my gaze wandered over to our fridge.

"Ben Decker. Senior Chief Inspector."

Below I found my shifts for the next handful weeks, mostly early in the morning and I was totally fine with that.

"Erik Stein. Inspector."

His table was much messier than mine, crossed out shifts over the whole next three weeks and ... my shifts? Noted as "without him". I sighed, chugging down the coffee to head towards the bedroom myself. I smiled as I saw him all curled up in his blanket, staring at the wall in silence.

I placed myself on my side of the bed, carefully laying my hand onto his hip, waiting for his reaction - which promptly followed by him shifting closer. I carefully slipped one arm below his head, wrapping the other around his torso. Erik hummed, muttering an "I love you, Ben." before I heard faint snores coming from him shortly after.

I smiled as I spotted Erik leaving the building of our therapist, looking already much happier than several days ago. I was picking him up from his fourth appointment, being glad that he reacted this well to the therapy.  _ Maybe Erik would become his old self again. I was still hoping. _

I shared gazes with my partner as we arrived back in our house, uncomfortable silence forming between us. Erik gulped, entwining our hands with each other to pull me towards the familiar bedroom once again.

"Erik ..." I hummed as I felt myself being pushed onto the bed, having Erik crawl on top to me to place himself onto my lap. I studied his face as he cupped my cheeks with his hands, brushing his fingers over my beard. I traced the scars in his face, feeling reminded of the day when I held his hand as he was in pain, when I freaked out because I was such a failure to him ... and the day when  _ Erik almost broke up with me. _

I didn't even hesitate to press my lips onto his, hungrily demanding more - just more of him. It had been almost two months since I kissed him for the last time and until this moment I didn't realize how much I had missed and craved for it.

I sighed as I felt how my partner unconsciously moved his hips, making me well aware of his desires. However ...

"Love ... Love, not yet." I huffed, caressing his shoulders with my hands. His big blue eyes locked with mine, a shy nod coming from him as he brushed his fingers through my hair.

"Can we still ..." he whispered, now I was the one to nod before I immediately felt a cold pair of lips against me again. I felt goosebumps over my skin as I let my tongue run over his mouth, noticing the biggest of all cuts once again.

I felt how a flock of tears slowly crawled into my eyes as I found myself laying next to my partner, holding him closely in my arms.

"Benny … are you crying?" I heard a muffled voice against my shoulder. Of course, he would notice how my torso suddenly began shaking.

"I just ... I will never be able to put into words how much I love you." I sniveled, pressing a smooch onto his forehead.

"Oh ...  _ oh _ ." Erik huffed, pressing himself closer against me. I couldn't help to feel incredibly wrong, though, and that I was only pretending the feelings I had for my partner. We still didn't speak out the whole issue, I knew Erik wouldn't like that at all but my struggles continued for as long as we didn't talk about what happened in that cursed week I only connect with hurt and self-doubt.

"Erik, we have to talk." I gulped letting him go to crawl out of our bed.  _ Bad situation, bad situation, bad situation. _

"You're serious? Now? When I finally feel better?" Erik hissed and I hated it, hating that he talked to me like this again and hating that I would have to explain myself. I pushed myself up, turning into his direction.

"This is not about you, jerk." I exclaimed, leaving into the living room because I didn't want to soil our bedroom with this fight. Erik followed me, as expected.

"Just take a second and look into my face, what makes you think that this is in fact NOT about me? Who got attacked? Who went to the hospital all alone? Who struggled with a trauma by himself because his partner decided to leave for a week?" he hissed, the feeling of my heart shattering returning.

"Well, you've been a hell of a pain in the ass, Erik! I would've helped you but you actively tried to get rid of me, you insulted me continuously and it's entirely your fault I had to leave you alone, because you became such an unbearable entity and I didn't want to lose you because of your own stupidity!" I huffed, concentrating to keep the tears where they came from - no weakness showing.

"Imagine being traumatized and continue living your life as usual. Imagine being disfigured, losing every last bit of your self-confidence because some idiot with a knife decided to ruin my life just like that. I needed help, Ben, and you left me hanging! You're supposed to care for me when I feel bad, not leave me to die!" he shouted and it felt like someone stabbed a sword through my chest.

"I'm supposed to take care of myself before anyone else. Erik, you know what I've been through, don't try explaining to me how losing your last will to live feels like because I've been there more often than you!" I growled, crossing my arms as I knew I else would've destroyed something in our living room.

"God, Ben." Erik muttered, pinching his nose. "Why are we like this, why are we just rattling now into each other, after four years."

"We? Why are YOU like this, more likely?" I replied, flinching as I looked into the glassy eyes of my partner.

"This is about US. Not you, not me, BOTH OF US. We should be able to handle this together and not try to find the scapegoat." he hummed, attempting a few steps into my direction. I kept staring at him, feeling how my brain shut off after hearing his words.

"Our relationship suffered so much, just because we couldn't control ourselves, both of us. I am sorry, Ben, and you should be too." he now arrived in front of me, carefully placing his palm against my neck.

"I fucked up, I know that and I want to make it well again. You fucked up just as much, you just have to admit it." he added as a last comment, now waiting for my reply. I hated that he was right, that I was just as much of an useless boyfriend as he was.

"I'm ... sorry." I fought out of my throat. "For being a horrible partner." and then wrapped my arms around Erik, pulling him against me.

We weren't fine all of a sudden again, but we planed down another approach. Maybe that whole drama around the attack was supposed to happen, our relationship had been too perfect prior to that.

I almost dropped my coffee as I spotted nobody else than Erik in the hallway of the department, talking to Martin who stood behind the counter waiting for me, as we actually wanted to leave for patrol once I finished my cup.

"It's obvious but it doesn't look repulsive, don't you worry. The boss has placed your new stack of clothes in your locker, if you want to take something home with you." I heard my best friend explaining as I approached them, earnings two wide smiles.

"You, here?" I muttered as I placed my cup on the counter before I would drop it.

"Mister Jahn said that I should visit, even though I'm still on leave for another week. I want to work again, finally, and these scars won't keep me from it." Erik smiled, placing his hands on my hips, gently letting them hover over the weapon, the handcuffs and the other tool bags.

"Furthermore, today is a very special day." he grinned mischievously and stepped closer. Fuck. I looked over to Martin, even he knew this exact date and I once again forgot it ... for the 4th time in a row.

"I should scratch it into your wrist so you don't forget it anymore. Happy Anniversary, love." he chuckled, pulling himself against me into a long and gentle hug before sharing a short yet sweet and loving kiss.

"I guess." I huffed as we let go of each other again, Martin couldn't keep himself from laughing out loud.

"Idiot." Erik playfully rolled his eyes, boxing against my chest before I left to check out his new uniform.

My gaze went over to my friend, who just shook his head through his laughter as he saw my helpless face. "We will find a present for him on patrol, trust me." he replied, patting my shoulder before I dedicated back to my cup.


End file.
